"Thanks, But No Thanks": Dealing with Rejection

Being a law student applying for summer positions is sort of like being a struggling actress. You go on a ton of interviews, try to put on an act about how together you are while really all you are thinking is PLEASE PAY ME!, and finally you hear "Thanks, but no thanks," countless times. You never know why you weren't right... Was there someone better? Is it because you wore that blue suit? Was your GPA not high enough?

I went through most of my interviews last year trying to be the "best version" of myself. I only recently realized that is because I was truly afraid to put myself out there. If I get rejected when being only a version of myself I can trick myself to believing its because of this or that... but if I am really myself and get rejected, then they just don't like me. Then I am flawed as a human being instead of just as an applicant.

Well take it from someone who has been rejected both ways - putting my best foot forward & just being myself - its better to put it all out there. Yes, you may worry that you are a weirdo that no one likes, BUT you will know that you left it all out on the field. There will be no second guessing. You don't have to worry if you answered that question right, because you answered it from the heart. And if they don't choose you for some reason - well, then they are just wrong. :)

My pre-interview routine: a self pep talk. I probably look like a crazy person driving to my meeting, but it truly helps to hear that you are going to rock it. You are going to be charismatic and friendly. You are going to get it. You DESERVE it. Having the self-confidence when you walk in the door to know that you belong there will take you a long way. I used to be afraid of "jinxing" it... but you can't live your life in fear. Do I still believe in luck? Absolutely. But you can be lucky AND confident.

And when you don't get something you want - because no one gets it all - you just have to give it the appropriate time. A mourner's period. But remember, when you lose a parent in the Jewish religion, you only sit Shiva (mourn) for 1 week. So, don't let it effect you for too long. Give it the appropriate amount of time and then dust yourself off and try again. Because eventually you are going to wade through all the "No's" to the "YES!".

Just Call Me "Dr. Betty Crocker"

As explained in an earlier post... the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. But food isn't just a great way to land/keep a guy - it is also a fantastic way to win over your boss, celebrate an occasion & impress your friends. What is a universally great way to accomplish all this... dessert!

Over the summer I was externing with a Judge and I made it a point to create a new recipe to bring in every Friday. Most were cupcake recipes, some were slight alterations on family recipes, but all were a rousing success! Friday became known as "Cupcake Day" & clerks and judges alike snuck in to chambers to steal a sweet snack.

But, working 60 hrs a week was not really conducive to slaving away over a hot oven for hours. So what resulted was a bunch of recipes using Betty Crocker cake mixes doctored up. No one knew that they weren't from scratch and I saved a ton of time. Now, I'm sharing my secrets with you.

Quickest Fix: Adding a teaspoon or two of vanilla to any box mix (whatever the flavor) helps to add a homemade flavor. I do this with everything! Also you can add coco powder to intesify the flavors of chocolate batters. This works amazingly for red velvet cake too!

Funfetti: If you want to make funfetti cake (its white cake with rainbow sprinkles), but don't have a mix on-hand, just take a 1/4 of rainbow sprinkles and mix with a teaspoon or two of flour. Then fold into your white cake mix batter. The flour ensures that the sprinkles don't sink to the bottom of the cupcake while baking and instead float throughout.

Espresso: Want your brownies to be kicked up a notch? How about making mocha cupcakes? (Fun fact - add the word mocha and people immediately are impressed) Follow the box recipe, but instead of just adding the water plain, add espresso instead. Warm the water in the microwave for a minute then add 1-2 tablespoons of instant espresso powder. Stir, then add to the batter.

Icing: This is the one thing I would tell you to make from scratch. It is completely noticable when it is from a can & doesn't take a lot of time to pull together. Here is a recipe for a simple vanilla buttercreme...
Ingredients -
1 cup unsalted butter
6 cups of powdered sugar
4-6 tbsps of milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
Directions -
Mix the butter until creamy. Then add a cup of powdered sugar.
Add a teaspoon of milk.
Alternate between adding the sugar and milk. The desired consistency depends on how you will be frosting your cupcakes/cake. Thicker is ideal for piping, but you will want it more loose for frosting with a knife.
Add the vanilla.

Want a variation on this recipe? Add 3-4 tablespoons of coco powder for chocolate buttercreme. 2 tablespoons of espresso powder to that and you have mocha buttercreme. Instead of using all milk you can add some juice from maraschino cherries for a cherry vanilla pink icing. Or do this to the chocolate recipe and you have chocolate cherry cordial icing. You can use another type of extract to achieve another flavor... try orange or almond or even raspberry.

Brownies: Want to make brownies look fancier. Instead of cutting them into squares, cut them into sticks (one long cut down the middle and then slice each rectangle into 10-12 strips). Dust with powdered sugar.

Piping: Piping your icing onto the cupcakes makes a huge impact, although it does take a little more time than just using a knife. I think that it is well worth it though. Don't have a fancy piping kit? Then just cut the corner from a ziplock bag. Warning: as you hold the bag the icing does heat up and melt a bit - which is why having a stiffer icing is ideal. A quick fix for this is just to take a break and put the bag in the freezer for 30 seconds.

Some of My Favorite Combinations:
- Mocha Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercreme
- Red Velvet Cupcakes with Vanilla Buttercreme (for an added patriotic touch put a blueberry on top)
- Funfetti Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercreme
- Triple Chocolate Cupcakes with Chocolate Cherry Cordial Buttercreme (add a maraschino cherry on top for a fun touch)
- Vanilla Cupcakes with a Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Buttercreme

Enjoy!

Love & First Bite: Why Vampires are the Newest Sex Symbol

Lately you are hard pressed to find a girl, teen or woman that has not been bitten by the vampire craze.

If you want a brooding, deep teenager who is an expert at bedroom eyes - Edward Cullen is your guy.


Interested in some brothers action? The new series Vampire Diaries will deliver.

If you like sexy, ancient, bad boys then Lestat (Tom Cruise in Interview with a Vampire) is a good match.



And we can't forget Eric in True Blood - a chiseled, cocky and ancient vampire with a hidden soft side.

But why has this mythical creature reached new heights in popularity with a corresponding rise in female fantasies? What has made the classic equation of human woman + male vampire = love, explode throughout the entertainment and literary industries?

I don't think that it is an accident that women are so drawn to the character of a vampire. Part of it is a "they chose me" attitude. Think: captain of the football team fantasy in high school. These men could have anyone, seduce anyone... but the attraction is them choosing you. Not just as a food source, but as an equal - to love and to cherish.

Also, vampires have an inherent bad boy streak. There is something dangerous and subsequently sexy about a bad boy that has always attracted women. Well, this character brings it to the next level by there actually being an element of risking your life. At any point they can lose control and take things too far.

Vampires are also a little amorphous with their sexuality. After being around for hundreds of years, they pretty much have tried everything. They also have had hundreds of years to perfect their technique in the bedroom. A well trained man in that department is definitely a turn on!

Passion. ALL women want it. We want to be adored - the center of someone's universe. And every woman wants to be looked at with those passionate stares that vamps are known for. You know what I mean, the intense stares that say "I want you", "I NEED you", "You look good enough to eat" all rolled into one.

And it doesn't hurt that they choose actors like Robert Pattinson, Brad Pitt and Alexander Skarsgard playing them. These men are gorgeous anyway, but add a little fang and their sex appeal is skyrocketed to a-whole-nother level!

Finally, there is fantasy about getting bitten (at least in the stories that it doesn't get you killed). It is a very overtly sexual act... the ultimate penetration for a vampire and blood-donor. Many times, feeding is directly linked to a sexual activity, only increasing its draw.

With all this, women are not going to soon abandon their vampire fantasies. Especially when they have the Twilight Series movies, another season of True Blood & Vampire Diaries to look forward to.

Sizism is the new Racism

We have come a long way since the Civil Rights and Feminist Movements... most people are shocked by use of the "N" word, the GLBTQ community is making great strides in the fight for marriage, and women are breaking through the glass ceiling. We have our first African American president and Justice Sotomayor recently received Senate approval.

But racism and sexism aren't the only "isms" that we need to have conversations about.

Sizism is the discrimination against someone based on their weight - and the subject of this rant. (Click the link for an interesting article on this subject from USA TODAY.)

So I went to an Ear, Nose & Throat doctor - I'll call him Dr. X - to get my deviated septum checked out. I had previously visited my general practitioner who informed me that I had broken my nose and he recommended I get it checked out because I had been having certain symptoms.

Well, Dr. X came into the room, after making me wait for 30 min, and immediately said "Well your weight is a risk factor... you are very overweight. The fat isn't good for you." Now at this point I probably should have left but I had already waited so I stayed.

He proceeded to discuss my "weight" for the next 15 minutes (I know shocking that a doctor spent that long with a patient!)... forget the fact that I have broken my nose several times, forget the fact that he said I have a deviated septum and forget the fact that post-nasal drip has NEVER been caused by being fat.

The Dr. told me to consider starting to exercise and watching what I eat. He also told a horrible story about how he makes his daughters weigh in every morning.

Side Note: I work out 3-5 times a week with very hardcore cardio, eat healthier than most people, drink more than the normal 8 cups of water a day, and was the only person I know of that actually lost weight their 1L year. Now, with that being said.... in the brilliant words of Bridget Jones, "I will always be just a little bit fat." I'm curvaceous and have PCOS. I am not delusional about the way that I look, but I also know that I am a very healthy person and in great shape.

For the remainder of the appointment he was patronizing, offensive and pompous. Needless to say, I will not be going back.

Besides wanted to vent about this outrageous experience, it also inspired me to try and force this much needed conversation about sizism. When some people look at an overweight person they have a litany of negative thoughts: "How could she let herself go like that?" "I'll never be that big!" "He should just get on a treadmill and put down the donut!" It is absolutely unfair to link weight issues with laziness and being a slob. Just as people don't wake up each morning and choose to be homosexual... they don't wake up and choose to be fat.

I propose we abolish the "F" word from our everyday language like we have the "N" word, that we don't allow ourselves to make snap judgements based on someone's appearance, and that we don't associate being overweight to being lazy.

Like a Virgin...

Revirginization. The theory that abstaining from sex for a full year - 365 very long days -will make you a virgin again. Obviously a hymen won't grow back, but the movement believes that after a year, participants will be purified to a pre-coitus state. During that year, many choose to focus on work or spritual enlightening instead of the messiness that sex inevitably causes.

Personally... I'm not buying it. After a year of abstaining from sex you are not going to be a purified, spirituately enlightened being - just insanely cranky.

Last night I read the book, Accidental Virgin by Valerie Frankel, which got me thinking about this subject. Stacy, the protagonist, is a hardworking executive at a lingerie website that realizes she is just one week shy of being revirginized. Hilarity ensues as she has many failed attempts to have sex before she reaches the year mark. From allergic reactions to the perils of internet dating & escort services and even a brief consideration of converting to lesbianism, this book is a perfect summer beach read. Don't expect any major revelations or insight - just expect to be amused by a desperate woman who is having the hardest time getting laid.

But back to the premise for the novel. I just can't get on board with this whole revirginization thing. If you aren't having sex for a year it is because either...

1. You just can't get laid (i.e. picking all the wrong men/women);
2. Something bad happened to swear off sex;
3. You have high standards and don't see any reason to compromise;or
4. You just dont want to.

All four involve a choice.

But that choice isn't a ticket to purification. For example, abstaining from sex but still drinking, swearing and lying is not going to get you any enlightenment. In order to find purity, peace and spirituality you have to focus on those things... but as women we have an inate ability to multi-task. I can work on being a more centered person and still get laid.

I think this movement is just designed to make women feel better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) on their choice to not get any. And its just BS. Once your V-Card is gone, you are never going to get it back. Some of us might want to forget that first time, but all you can really do is move on. And I'm sorry, but telling a guy you are a virgin (when it isn't even true!) in your 20s & 30s is 9 times out of 10 just going to freak him out. That has "stage 5 clinger" written all over it.

Seriously... being a virgin was NOT that great. It might of made things a bit simpler but why would you want to go back to that?

"You Can't Handle the [Ugly] Truth!"

I have been seeing commercials all summer for this romantic comedy featuring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. The trailer shows some hilarious scenarios between an uptight, type-A news producer and a "misogynistic" TV personality who turns her into a dateable woman that men want. But I was concerned that the trailer would show ALL the funny parts of the movie and after seeing it 1000 times on TV, I would be left disappointed. Well despite a storyline done many times over - man falls in love with woman he is helping get another guy - it was a refreshingly modern take on a romantic comedy, littered with adult situations and sexual humor. Between the sexy Heigl and the low-brow humor, guys would even enjoy this one - so it is defintiely a date movie must.

As always, it got me thinking about what guys really want. In The Ugly Truth, Butler would have you believe that the recipe to success is simple... "you've got to be the librarian and the stripper". "A lady in the street and a freak in the bed." All it took Heigl in the movie to hook a doctor is some underwire bras, longer hair, sexy clothes and of course playing some hard to get. Is it really that easy?

In my experience that isn't too far from the truth.

Well here is what my theory has always been.... in order to get/keep a man you need a balance between the sweet and the sexy, the girl next door and the bad girl, "the librarian and the stripper", if you will. Too much sweet and the guy will put you into the marrying category of someone for the future but not right now, or pass over you completely. Too much sex and he will see you as only a one night stand to bang and brag about.

If you can achieve this delicate balance though, he will picture you not only in his present but also his future.

Here are some ideas on how to achieve this:

• Don't go out with your guy looking like he paid for you. Picking a slightly more modest outfit will leave something to the imagination and drive your guy crazy. Highlight your best features - if you have killer legs wear a short skirt or if you have sexy curves show them off. Then, wear your sexiest lingerie underneath. Shyly slip your guy a small peak at what's to come later in the night and I guarantee you'll be skipping dessert.
• PDAs can be done appropriately, but giving your man a hand job at dinner with his friends is taking it too far. Instead, play it cool - let him take the lead. But as you are sitting by his side laughing at all of the jokes and making an incredible impression on the friends, send a racy text to your man. He will see you can not only hang with the guys but also drive him crazy.
• Met a cute guy at the bar? Don't let alcohol give you an excuse to make a bad decision. Making a guy wait for "it" makes it interesting. Guys love the chase. Now I'm not saying you can't create a relationship if you've slept with a guy on the first date.. but more likely than not he will be placing you in the "just for sex" category and all respect will be lost by the morning.

But my overall tip is to be yourself. Pretending to be the ideal woman takes way too much effort and is not sustainable. Even in the movie (SPOILER ALERT!!!), Butler falls for the real Heigl - not the one he created to fulfill every man's fantasy. But remember... you can still be yourself and play the game. :)

"The Way to a Man's <3..."

Although it sounds cliche, the way to a man's heart is really through his stomach. Cooking a sweet and sexy meal for your special someone (or potential flame), is a sure fire way to seal the deal... and if you do it right, your man will be eager to return the favor in the bedroom. (A definite plus!)

When crafting a romantic menu, think "SEX". What comes to my mind? Chocolate, whipped cream, silky textures, spicy flavors, maybe Italian or French food. Planning your meal around ingredients that inspire naughty thoughts will make your guy eager to have you for dessert.

General Tips

• Make sure you check with your honey on any allergies... the last thing you want is to spend all day making a seafood dinner only to find out that analphylactic shock will be on the dessert menu.


• Don't be afraid of using garlic. As Rachel Ray says, "Two garlics cancel each other out." Plus, you can always plan a dessert with mint as a sneaky way to ensure you have fresh breath for kissing.


• Have fun with it. I am guilty of stressing out when I'm planning a big dinner for my love... and I have been known to freak if it isn't ready when he gets there. But I have found that guys think a girl cooking is pretty sexy. They love to see us glistening from the heat of the stove and looking at home in this domestic role. It makes them think of the future and gets their libidos going. And, you can put him to work helping you out, which is a great opportunity to do something together.


• Although its definitely okay to still be cooking when your date arrives, make sure you are already dressed. Him seeing you in sweats crusted with food is not going to get you any. Put on a cute outfit and just throw an apron over it to inspire the subtle sexiness of a 1950's housewife.


• Pay attention.... Remember what types of dishes your guy orders when out at a restaurant. Did he mention his favorite food? Does he like sweets? Paying attention to these things can help you plan a phenomenal meal that he is sure to love, and it will also show him that you are interested and attentive - two qualities that guys love. WARNING: Don't try to cook a dish if he tells you that's his mom's specialty and he loves it - it will probably not be up to par (because you aren't Mom) and you don't want to disappoint the first time you cook for him. On the other hand, if you can nail it... it will definitely put you in the potential wife category, so it may be worth the risk.


• Try to pick "clean" foods... like Mom always used to warn you, don't pick a full lobster for a date. My rule: anything that would require you to wear a bib is better left to a later date. There is just too high a risk for disaster. Also, try to pick foods that are universally liked. This is not the time to try cooking Ethiopian food for the first time or some crazy spicy Thai dish.

Some Sexy Suggestions

• Scallops are super easy and less messy/expensive than lobster. Just put two teaspoons of butter and two of olive oil in a skillet on medium heat. Make sure you pat dry your scallops so you can get nice color, and salt/pepper them. Cook 1-2 minutes on each side (depending on the size) and garnish with a lemon wedge that you can squeeze on for some fresh flavor.


• Here is an amazing recipe for the Outback Caesar dressing. Salad is a safe green side dish that is definitely less controversial then serving Brussels sprouts or broccoli. And there is less of a chance of getting something gross and green stuck in your teeth - NOT sexy. Even though this is an easy recipe that just gets better as it sits in the fridge (so definitely make it in advance) it is MUCH more impressive and better tasting than something out of bottle.


• Dessert. My secret is to doctor up a store bought cake mix. If you are making chocolate, try adding some espresso powder... or if you are doing a white cake, add a little more vanilla extract. One of my favorites is red velvet cake (how much sexier can you get??) that I doctor up with extra coco powder and vanilla. Everyone thinks I've been slaving away making it from scratch. Also bypass the can of frosting to make your own. Butter creme sounds scary but really its just a stick of butter, 4 cups of powdered sugar and a few tablespoons of milk. And you can make it any flavor by adding some extract. Taking this extra step will really make all the difference.


• No time to cook? Get a rotisserie chicken from your local supermarket and some pre-made sides. Place everything in heat safe containers in the oven and on the stove and just pretend like you've been cooking all day. For dessert, just buy an angel food cake from the store. Cut a slice for each of you, add some sliced strawberries, raspberries or any other fruit that is in season and top with whipped cream.

So now its your turn to try your hand in the kitchen, and I hope my suggestions have given you some ideas. Keep me posted on how it goes and I would love to hear any stories you have about romantic homemade dinners.

REAL Lessons from the New Jersey Housewives

Since the Real Housewives of New Jersey, the Garden State is finally known for more than the smell of the Turnpike and girls with big hair. But after being a faithful viewer of the series, tuning in every Tuesday for my dose of "reality", I was left wondering what I really learned from these women.... besides how to flip a table at a b*tch, of course.

"If you're not familiar with the table flip, you're probably not from Jersey."

But seriously though, Bravo brought together a diverse group of women who I surprisingly learned a lot from. Each person had a different perspective to life, family and love.



Danielle - Unfortunately, watching Danielle was like a "How To" in reverse. Although she said that all she wanted was someone to love and take care of her and her children, she seemed to searching for money love in all the wrong places.... online chatting with a man called "Gucci Model", having phone sex with a stranger, and dating a guy 20 yrs her junior. If that isn't a recipe for disaster, I'm not sure what is. It seems like women like Danielle, who are desperate for attention and affection, always settle for Mr. Right Now and never wait for Mr. Right. Now don't get me wrong - dating and having fun is perfectly acceptable. But trying to create a relationship out of a purely sexual situation is generally not going to happen... "why buy the cow..."



Jacqueline - All of the Housewives talked about Jacqueline's big heart, but it seems like she has a case of "being too nice". Most of us are guilty of this, believe me I definitely am. Sometimes I try so hard to find the good in people that I can't see them stabbing me in the back. But overall, the viewers learned from Jacqueline to stand up for what you believe and persistence pays off. Mazel Tov to her for the newest little addition to the family! [For those of you who hadn't watched the show, she had multiple miscarriages in a row.]


Teresa - She is the embodiment of what a typical "Jersey Girl" is. From the hair to the attitude, I thought she was a hilarious depiction of NJ and I'm sure out-of-state viewers were not disappointed after seeing her. It is so obvious that she loves her family and is completely dedicated to them. But Teresa is in her own bubble and I found myself rolling my eyes at the TV when she talked sometimes. She was amusing, but for those of us who have to live in the real world, her carefree attitude was verging on just plain oblivious.


I saved my two favorite Housewives for last... the Manzo sisters - Dina & Caroline. Besides being the most entertaining, I thought that they left me with many gems of advice.



Dina - As we watched her season-long debate whether or not to work, Dina's dedication to her family was clear. She exhibited the age-old question... Can a woman have it all? For her, the answer was "maybe... but not at the same time". As a young woman in law school who wants to be successful and still have a family, this debate was especially interesting. Women's lib taught us to want it all, but are we going to even be happy if we get it? And do we want it because we should or because balancing work/family/life/etc is the key to happiness? This law school student thinks the jury is still out on this issue. :)

Another interesting issue that arose was Dina's belief that a wife has to treat her husband like she's his girlfriend [presumably by keeping up appearances and planning date nights] otherwise he's going to go out and get a girlfriend. While I think this might be a little harsh, I think it does ring of truth. My parents have been married for over 25 years... they will be the first to tell you that not all of those years were happy - marriage is difficult and takes a lot of work. But they have a romantic date night every week and it does seem like those special nights help them stay such a strong couple. Who knows, maybe getting all dressed up for a night on the town with your love is the key to a successful relationship.



Caroline - Caroline is the quintessential housewife... she lives for her family, she is the glue that holds them all together and you can just picture her stirring a big pot of sauce on the stove. She is a little bit older than the other Housewives, but it only adds to her likability and wisdom. If I had a problem, she is definitely the Housewife I would turn to. From her advice to Jacqueline to rule her family "with an iron fist" to her call it like it is attitude, Caroline is one of few Housewives viewers could actually learn something from.


So what have I taken from this show?

• Family first.
• There is such a thing as being too nice.
• There is a difference between Mr. Right & Mr. Right Now... don't confuse the two.
• Treating your husband/spouse/significant other like you are still dating can rekindle that early excitement and keep a relationship healthy.
• & sometimes you do have to flip a table at a b*tch to make your point. :)

Like the State

Who am I?

I am the quintessential Virgo - a perfectionist, organized, over-achiever, motivated. I LOVE to bake and recently won 2nd at a cake decorating contest. My guilty pleasures include reality tv, vampire books and carbohydrates [I'd rather eat a bowl of pasta than a chocolate bar]. I love to craft and frequently make t-shirts for family events. Currently I am a law student starting my 2nd year. As an undergrad I studied political science & women's studies double. Some of my role models include my mom & Elle Woods. My celebrity crush is Edward Norton. And of course, I am in a sorority. In fact, while I was in college I was president of all of them.

What is this?

After 4 yrs of college, I realized that I am the person my friends turn to for advice. They know I won't judge and I always have a funny story to share. That got me thinking about starting a blog. This is going to be my observations on love, life, sex, current events and anything else that sparks my interest. Suggestions/questions are definitely welcomed!

Why am I doing this?

I am hoping to take my posts and eventually work them into a book - an advice publication from the perspective of a "sorority girl" filled with stories and social commentary. I think my past experiences can help others and lets just face it... I'm opinionated. About everything. :)