Like a Virgin...

Revirginization. The theory that abstaining from sex for a full year - 365 very long days -will make you a virgin again. Obviously a hymen won't grow back, but the movement believes that after a year, participants will be purified to a pre-coitus state. During that year, many choose to focus on work or spritual enlightening instead of the messiness that sex inevitably causes.

Personally... I'm not buying it. After a year of abstaining from sex you are not going to be a purified, spirituately enlightened being - just insanely cranky.

Last night I read the book, Accidental Virgin by Valerie Frankel, which got me thinking about this subject. Stacy, the protagonist, is a hardworking executive at a lingerie website that realizes she is just one week shy of being revirginized. Hilarity ensues as she has many failed attempts to have sex before she reaches the year mark. From allergic reactions to the perils of internet dating & escort services and even a brief consideration of converting to lesbianism, this book is a perfect summer beach read. Don't expect any major revelations or insight - just expect to be amused by a desperate woman who is having the hardest time getting laid.

But back to the premise for the novel. I just can't get on board with this whole revirginization thing. If you aren't having sex for a year it is because either...

1. You just can't get laid (i.e. picking all the wrong men/women);
2. Something bad happened to swear off sex;
3. You have high standards and don't see any reason to compromise;or
4. You just dont want to.

All four involve a choice.

But that choice isn't a ticket to purification. For example, abstaining from sex but still drinking, swearing and lying is not going to get you any enlightenment. In order to find purity, peace and spirituality you have to focus on those things... but as women we have an inate ability to multi-task. I can work on being a more centered person and still get laid.

I think this movement is just designed to make women feel better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) on their choice to not get any. And its just BS. Once your V-Card is gone, you are never going to get it back. Some of us might want to forget that first time, but all you can really do is move on. And I'm sorry, but telling a guy you are a virgin (when it isn't even true!) in your 20s & 30s is 9 times out of 10 just going to freak him out. That has "stage 5 clinger" written all over it.

Seriously... being a virgin was NOT that great. It might of made things a bit simpler but why would you want to go back to that?

"You Can't Handle the [Ugly] Truth!"

I have been seeing commercials all summer for this romantic comedy featuring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. The trailer shows some hilarious scenarios between an uptight, type-A news producer and a "misogynistic" TV personality who turns her into a dateable woman that men want. But I was concerned that the trailer would show ALL the funny parts of the movie and after seeing it 1000 times on TV, I would be left disappointed. Well despite a storyline done many times over - man falls in love with woman he is helping get another guy - it was a refreshingly modern take on a romantic comedy, littered with adult situations and sexual humor. Between the sexy Heigl and the low-brow humor, guys would even enjoy this one - so it is defintiely a date movie must.

As always, it got me thinking about what guys really want. In The Ugly Truth, Butler would have you believe that the recipe to success is simple... "you've got to be the librarian and the stripper". "A lady in the street and a freak in the bed." All it took Heigl in the movie to hook a doctor is some underwire bras, longer hair, sexy clothes and of course playing some hard to get. Is it really that easy?

In my experience that isn't too far from the truth.

Well here is what my theory has always been.... in order to get/keep a man you need a balance between the sweet and the sexy, the girl next door and the bad girl, "the librarian and the stripper", if you will. Too much sweet and the guy will put you into the marrying category of someone for the future but not right now, or pass over you completely. Too much sex and he will see you as only a one night stand to bang and brag about.

If you can achieve this delicate balance though, he will picture you not only in his present but also his future.

Here are some ideas on how to achieve this:

• Don't go out with your guy looking like he paid for you. Picking a slightly more modest outfit will leave something to the imagination and drive your guy crazy. Highlight your best features - if you have killer legs wear a short skirt or if you have sexy curves show them off. Then, wear your sexiest lingerie underneath. Shyly slip your guy a small peak at what's to come later in the night and I guarantee you'll be skipping dessert.
• PDAs can be done appropriately, but giving your man a hand job at dinner with his friends is taking it too far. Instead, play it cool - let him take the lead. But as you are sitting by his side laughing at all of the jokes and making an incredible impression on the friends, send a racy text to your man. He will see you can not only hang with the guys but also drive him crazy.
• Met a cute guy at the bar? Don't let alcohol give you an excuse to make a bad decision. Making a guy wait for "it" makes it interesting. Guys love the chase. Now I'm not saying you can't create a relationship if you've slept with a guy on the first date.. but more likely than not he will be placing you in the "just for sex" category and all respect will be lost by the morning.

But my overall tip is to be yourself. Pretending to be the ideal woman takes way too much effort and is not sustainable. Even in the movie (SPOILER ALERT!!!), Butler falls for the real Heigl - not the one he created to fulfill every man's fantasy. But remember... you can still be yourself and play the game. :)

"The Way to a Man's <3..."

Although it sounds cliche, the way to a man's heart is really through his stomach. Cooking a sweet and sexy meal for your special someone (or potential flame), is a sure fire way to seal the deal... and if you do it right, your man will be eager to return the favor in the bedroom. (A definite plus!)

When crafting a romantic menu, think "SEX". What comes to my mind? Chocolate, whipped cream, silky textures, spicy flavors, maybe Italian or French food. Planning your meal around ingredients that inspire naughty thoughts will make your guy eager to have you for dessert.

General Tips

• Make sure you check with your honey on any allergies... the last thing you want is to spend all day making a seafood dinner only to find out that analphylactic shock will be on the dessert menu.


• Don't be afraid of using garlic. As Rachel Ray says, "Two garlics cancel each other out." Plus, you can always plan a dessert with mint as a sneaky way to ensure you have fresh breath for kissing.


• Have fun with it. I am guilty of stressing out when I'm planning a big dinner for my love... and I have been known to freak if it isn't ready when he gets there. But I have found that guys think a girl cooking is pretty sexy. They love to see us glistening from the heat of the stove and looking at home in this domestic role. It makes them think of the future and gets their libidos going. And, you can put him to work helping you out, which is a great opportunity to do something together.


• Although its definitely okay to still be cooking when your date arrives, make sure you are already dressed. Him seeing you in sweats crusted with food is not going to get you any. Put on a cute outfit and just throw an apron over it to inspire the subtle sexiness of a 1950's housewife.


• Pay attention.... Remember what types of dishes your guy orders when out at a restaurant. Did he mention his favorite food? Does he like sweets? Paying attention to these things can help you plan a phenomenal meal that he is sure to love, and it will also show him that you are interested and attentive - two qualities that guys love. WARNING: Don't try to cook a dish if he tells you that's his mom's specialty and he loves it - it will probably not be up to par (because you aren't Mom) and you don't want to disappoint the first time you cook for him. On the other hand, if you can nail it... it will definitely put you in the potential wife category, so it may be worth the risk.


• Try to pick "clean" foods... like Mom always used to warn you, don't pick a full lobster for a date. My rule: anything that would require you to wear a bib is better left to a later date. There is just too high a risk for disaster. Also, try to pick foods that are universally liked. This is not the time to try cooking Ethiopian food for the first time or some crazy spicy Thai dish.

Some Sexy Suggestions

• Scallops are super easy and less messy/expensive than lobster. Just put two teaspoons of butter and two of olive oil in a skillet on medium heat. Make sure you pat dry your scallops so you can get nice color, and salt/pepper them. Cook 1-2 minutes on each side (depending on the size) and garnish with a lemon wedge that you can squeeze on for some fresh flavor.


• Here is an amazing recipe for the Outback Caesar dressing. Salad is a safe green side dish that is definitely less controversial then serving Brussels sprouts or broccoli. And there is less of a chance of getting something gross and green stuck in your teeth - NOT sexy. Even though this is an easy recipe that just gets better as it sits in the fridge (so definitely make it in advance) it is MUCH more impressive and better tasting than something out of bottle.


• Dessert. My secret is to doctor up a store bought cake mix. If you are making chocolate, try adding some espresso powder... or if you are doing a white cake, add a little more vanilla extract. One of my favorites is red velvet cake (how much sexier can you get??) that I doctor up with extra coco powder and vanilla. Everyone thinks I've been slaving away making it from scratch. Also bypass the can of frosting to make your own. Butter creme sounds scary but really its just a stick of butter, 4 cups of powdered sugar and a few tablespoons of milk. And you can make it any flavor by adding some extract. Taking this extra step will really make all the difference.


• No time to cook? Get a rotisserie chicken from your local supermarket and some pre-made sides. Place everything in heat safe containers in the oven and on the stove and just pretend like you've been cooking all day. For dessert, just buy an angel food cake from the store. Cut a slice for each of you, add some sliced strawberries, raspberries or any other fruit that is in season and top with whipped cream.

So now its your turn to try your hand in the kitchen, and I hope my suggestions have given you some ideas. Keep me posted on how it goes and I would love to hear any stories you have about romantic homemade dinners.

REAL Lessons from the New Jersey Housewives

Since the Real Housewives of New Jersey, the Garden State is finally known for more than the smell of the Turnpike and girls with big hair. But after being a faithful viewer of the series, tuning in every Tuesday for my dose of "reality", I was left wondering what I really learned from these women.... besides how to flip a table at a b*tch, of course.

"If you're not familiar with the table flip, you're probably not from Jersey."

But seriously though, Bravo brought together a diverse group of women who I surprisingly learned a lot from. Each person had a different perspective to life, family and love.



Danielle - Unfortunately, watching Danielle was like a "How To" in reverse. Although she said that all she wanted was someone to love and take care of her and her children, she seemed to searching for money love in all the wrong places.... online chatting with a man called "Gucci Model", having phone sex with a stranger, and dating a guy 20 yrs her junior. If that isn't a recipe for disaster, I'm not sure what is. It seems like women like Danielle, who are desperate for attention and affection, always settle for Mr. Right Now and never wait for Mr. Right. Now don't get me wrong - dating and having fun is perfectly acceptable. But trying to create a relationship out of a purely sexual situation is generally not going to happen... "why buy the cow..."



Jacqueline - All of the Housewives talked about Jacqueline's big heart, but it seems like she has a case of "being too nice". Most of us are guilty of this, believe me I definitely am. Sometimes I try so hard to find the good in people that I can't see them stabbing me in the back. But overall, the viewers learned from Jacqueline to stand up for what you believe and persistence pays off. Mazel Tov to her for the newest little addition to the family! [For those of you who hadn't watched the show, she had multiple miscarriages in a row.]


Teresa - She is the embodiment of what a typical "Jersey Girl" is. From the hair to the attitude, I thought she was a hilarious depiction of NJ and I'm sure out-of-state viewers were not disappointed after seeing her. It is so obvious that she loves her family and is completely dedicated to them. But Teresa is in her own bubble and I found myself rolling my eyes at the TV when she talked sometimes. She was amusing, but for those of us who have to live in the real world, her carefree attitude was verging on just plain oblivious.


I saved my two favorite Housewives for last... the Manzo sisters - Dina & Caroline. Besides being the most entertaining, I thought that they left me with many gems of advice.



Dina - As we watched her season-long debate whether or not to work, Dina's dedication to her family was clear. She exhibited the age-old question... Can a woman have it all? For her, the answer was "maybe... but not at the same time". As a young woman in law school who wants to be successful and still have a family, this debate was especially interesting. Women's lib taught us to want it all, but are we going to even be happy if we get it? And do we want it because we should or because balancing work/family/life/etc is the key to happiness? This law school student thinks the jury is still out on this issue. :)

Another interesting issue that arose was Dina's belief that a wife has to treat her husband like she's his girlfriend [presumably by keeping up appearances and planning date nights] otherwise he's going to go out and get a girlfriend. While I think this might be a little harsh, I think it does ring of truth. My parents have been married for over 25 years... they will be the first to tell you that not all of those years were happy - marriage is difficult and takes a lot of work. But they have a romantic date night every week and it does seem like those special nights help them stay such a strong couple. Who knows, maybe getting all dressed up for a night on the town with your love is the key to a successful relationship.



Caroline - Caroline is the quintessential housewife... she lives for her family, she is the glue that holds them all together and you can just picture her stirring a big pot of sauce on the stove. She is a little bit older than the other Housewives, but it only adds to her likability and wisdom. If I had a problem, she is definitely the Housewife I would turn to. From her advice to Jacqueline to rule her family "with an iron fist" to her call it like it is attitude, Caroline is one of few Housewives viewers could actually learn something from.


So what have I taken from this show?

• Family first.
• There is such a thing as being too nice.
• There is a difference between Mr. Right & Mr. Right Now... don't confuse the two.
• Treating your husband/spouse/significant other like you are still dating can rekindle that early excitement and keep a relationship healthy.
• & sometimes you do have to flip a table at a b*tch to make your point. :)

Like the State

Who am I?

I am the quintessential Virgo - a perfectionist, organized, over-achiever, motivated. I LOVE to bake and recently won 2nd at a cake decorating contest. My guilty pleasures include reality tv, vampire books and carbohydrates [I'd rather eat a bowl of pasta than a chocolate bar]. I love to craft and frequently make t-shirts for family events. Currently I am a law student starting my 2nd year. As an undergrad I studied political science & women's studies double. Some of my role models include my mom & Elle Woods. My celebrity crush is Edward Norton. And of course, I am in a sorority. In fact, while I was in college I was president of all of them.

What is this?

After 4 yrs of college, I realized that I am the person my friends turn to for advice. They know I won't judge and I always have a funny story to share. That got me thinking about starting a blog. This is going to be my observations on love, life, sex, current events and anything else that sparks my interest. Suggestions/questions are definitely welcomed!

Why am I doing this?

I am hoping to take my posts and eventually work them into a book - an advice publication from the perspective of a "sorority girl" filled with stories and social commentary. I think my past experiences can help others and lets just face it... I'm opinionated. About everything. :)