Falling Off the Wagon & Starting Fresh

So, starting this fresh look at life/10 resolution plan was exciting and easy at first. Telling people about it helped hold me accountable and I spent the first 2 weeks completely kicking butt. I had my first running experience (more about that later), started choosing healthier options, and even looked into signing up for my first triathlon. Who needs to start with a measly 5K? :)

Well on week 3 the major stress hit - and with that I fell off the wagon. I had my first major motion due in federal court and that took precedent over everything else. Then, once completed, I came down with the flu. Needless to say, the gym didn't happen that week and I was one cranky lady. I took it out on my family and became frustrated that "no one was helping me". It took a long conversation with my mom and some self-reflection to realize that I had unrealistic expectations of others. And, I was taking out my frustrations of my life on them.

But instead of beating myself up for failing most of my resolutions during week 3 - because it would be counter-productive - I have decided to be honest about falling off the wagon and move forward.

So what is the new plan? Continue focusing on myself, starting bringing all my food to school instead of eating out, and plan my workouts for the week. Also, take the time I need to center myself, instead of allowing life to frustrate me/stress me out. I went to the beach this week for a few hours and it felt like a mini-vacation. That is definitely something I will try to do more frequently.

And I will try to update here more. I can't wait to tell you about my first running experience (teaser: I fell off the treadmill), trying a spin class (teaser: I have bruises in not so great places), and how I am throwing out the idea of dieting and choosing to live a healthy lifestyle. Till then!

Resolutions - Not Just for New Years Eve

Hi, everyone! Sorry it has been awhile, law school and all has become insane. I thought my schedule last year was demanding - but 13 hr days are the norm now, not the exception. This has led to a pretty cranky sorority girl; one that has not spent much time on herself lately. After realizing that my self-esteem, body, and mental state took a beating by my total lack of prioritizing myself - I knew it was time for a change.

But writing a blog post on resolutions in January is just too generic for my style. Making a lofty goal just because it is the 1st of the year is only setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Every day is an opportunity to set and achieve goals, and as they say there is no better time than the present.

Therefore, I now officially announce and declare (redundant, I know) my current personal goals. It is about time I make myself a priority - and that is going to involve some serious reorganizing of my schedule. I am hoping that announcing it here will hold me accountable. (At least to all 5 of you who follow me, haha.)

So here goes nothing. .. My personal goals for the next year:
1. Learn to run. I am sure I could haul ass if it meant running away from an attacker, but I want to learn how to run more than a couple of blocks before giving up. My goal is to run a 5k this summer/fall. In order to accomplish this I am going to use the "Couch to 5k Plan". [Thanks Monica (my running guru) for the info!] As a second part of this goal, I would like to learn to love running. Right now, I would basically choose anything else over running - walking over hot coals, arguing in court, going bathing suit shopping, etc. But I hope over this next year I learn to truly enjoy this exercise, and it becomes a way of life.

2. Read all of Jane Austen's Books. Pride and Prejudice is one of my all time favorite books - but I have never really had an opportunity to read the rest of Austen. Right now I am in the middle of Sense & Sensibility and I think finishing out the other books - Mansfield Park, Northanger Abby, Mansfield Park, Emma - is a doable goal. I also think there is something inherently beneficial to reading a classic book such as Austen, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Etc.

3. Pay off all my credit card bills. I am going to be in enough debt once I graduate that it is finally time to pay off all my credit cards. Right now, that isn't really feasible - but once the summer comes and I am working full time it is a reasonable goal. Most of what is on them is school expenses anyway. And anyway, financial responsibility is a value my sorority expects of its members.

4. Become comfortable in my own skin. As I said earlier, my self esteem has absolutely taken a few blows lately and to say it is at rock bottom is not an exaggeration. It is so important that you can love yourself for who you are - not who you will be once you lose some weight/become a blonde/etc. This is probably going to be one the hardest of my goals - besides running of course - but I think it is one that is a necessity. To accomplish this I am going to try positive affirmations and refusing to say anything negative about my body aloud. I am even going to try and restrict the negative comments I say to myself.

5. Reorganize my surroundings. Although I am the queen of "to-do" lists, organized binders, and keeping my calendar up-to-date, I usually let my surroundings get disorganized when I'm busy. And by disorganized, I mean it looks like a clothes bomb exploded in my room and a shoe bomb in my closet. Keeping my environment clean and organized will probably help with my anxiety and stress relief.

6. Be a nicer, calmer person. I am definitely guilty of letting my anxiety and stress get to me - and when this happens I tend to take it out on my loved ones. However, it is unfair for me to treat them this way and to let my anxiety dictate my life. My general life style changes should help with this, but I think a key component to accomplishing this goal is self-correcting once I realize that I am starting to freak.

7. Go on vacation. I SO deserve one. And, once I pay off my credit cards and save for a bit, I can SO afford one. This will be the first real vacation that I pay for, the first real one in years, and I am looking forward to taking an adult step like this. I am also looking forward to laying on a beach with white sand and water so clear you can see the ocean floor next to the love of my life, with a tropic drink in my hand. That thought may just get me through this year!

8. Up my sauna sessions. My parents bought a sauna this fall, but I have been seriously delinquent in its use. It has such amazing health benefits [they say online it cures everything from eczema to back problems, and it burns as many calories as running] that it truly is a waste not to use it more. Now, to say I will go in everyday for 45 minutes is clearly unreasonable, but I am going to try and manage at least 3 sessions a week. And I am going to use my time in there to read Austen!

9. Eat healthier. Red wine, egg whites, organic vegetables, whole grains, 5 fruits & veggies a day, 8 glasses of water a day, less caffeine, more green tea. These are all simple things that would make a huge impact in my diet. Obviously, I will never be a size 2. But being healthy is so important, and I don't want to have serious health issues down the line because I have an issue with portion control and will power.

10. Document everything. I want to take more pictures, frame my favorites, keep a diary, and post here more often. And I want to keep track of how I am doing with all of these goals - when I stumble and when I succeed.

What are some of your goals for the year?

"Thanks, But No Thanks": Dealing with Rejection

Being a law student applying for summer positions is sort of like being a struggling actress. You go on a ton of interviews, try to put on an act about how together you are while really all you are thinking is PLEASE PAY ME!, and finally you hear "Thanks, but no thanks," countless times. You never know why you weren't right... Was there someone better? Is it because you wore that blue suit? Was your GPA not high enough?

I went through most of my interviews last year trying to be the "best version" of myself. I only recently realized that is because I was truly afraid to put myself out there. If I get rejected when being only a version of myself I can trick myself to believing its because of this or that... but if I am really myself and get rejected, then they just don't like me. Then I am flawed as a human being instead of just as an applicant.

Well take it from someone who has been rejected both ways - putting my best foot forward & just being myself - its better to put it all out there. Yes, you may worry that you are a weirdo that no one likes, BUT you will know that you left it all out on the field. There will be no second guessing. You don't have to worry if you answered that question right, because you answered it from the heart. And if they don't choose you for some reason - well, then they are just wrong. :)

My pre-interview routine: a self pep talk. I probably look like a crazy person driving to my meeting, but it truly helps to hear that you are going to rock it. You are going to be charismatic and friendly. You are going to get it. You DESERVE it. Having the self-confidence when you walk in the door to know that you belong there will take you a long way. I used to be afraid of "jinxing" it... but you can't live your life in fear. Do I still believe in luck? Absolutely. But you can be lucky AND confident.

And when you don't get something you want - because no one gets it all - you just have to give it the appropriate time. A mourner's period. But remember, when you lose a parent in the Jewish religion, you only sit Shiva (mourn) for 1 week. So, don't let it effect you for too long. Give it the appropriate amount of time and then dust yourself off and try again. Because eventually you are going to wade through all the "No's" to the "YES!".

Just Call Me "Dr. Betty Crocker"

As explained in an earlier post... the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. But food isn't just a great way to land/keep a guy - it is also a fantastic way to win over your boss, celebrate an occasion & impress your friends. What is a universally great way to accomplish all this... dessert!

Over the summer I was externing with a Judge and I made it a point to create a new recipe to bring in every Friday. Most were cupcake recipes, some were slight alterations on family recipes, but all were a rousing success! Friday became known as "Cupcake Day" & clerks and judges alike snuck in to chambers to steal a sweet snack.

But, working 60 hrs a week was not really conducive to slaving away over a hot oven for hours. So what resulted was a bunch of recipes using Betty Crocker cake mixes doctored up. No one knew that they weren't from scratch and I saved a ton of time. Now, I'm sharing my secrets with you.

Quickest Fix: Adding a teaspoon or two of vanilla to any box mix (whatever the flavor) helps to add a homemade flavor. I do this with everything! Also you can add coco powder to intesify the flavors of chocolate batters. This works amazingly for red velvet cake too!

Funfetti: If you want to make funfetti cake (its white cake with rainbow sprinkles), but don't have a mix on-hand, just take a 1/4 of rainbow sprinkles and mix with a teaspoon or two of flour. Then fold into your white cake mix batter. The flour ensures that the sprinkles don't sink to the bottom of the cupcake while baking and instead float throughout.

Espresso: Want your brownies to be kicked up a notch? How about making mocha cupcakes? (Fun fact - add the word mocha and people immediately are impressed) Follow the box recipe, but instead of just adding the water plain, add espresso instead. Warm the water in the microwave for a minute then add 1-2 tablespoons of instant espresso powder. Stir, then add to the batter.

Icing: This is the one thing I would tell you to make from scratch. It is completely noticable when it is from a can & doesn't take a lot of time to pull together. Here is a recipe for a simple vanilla buttercreme...
Ingredients -
1 cup unsalted butter
6 cups of powdered sugar
4-6 tbsps of milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
Directions -
Mix the butter until creamy. Then add a cup of powdered sugar.
Add a teaspoon of milk.
Alternate between adding the sugar and milk. The desired consistency depends on how you will be frosting your cupcakes/cake. Thicker is ideal for piping, but you will want it more loose for frosting with a knife.
Add the vanilla.

Want a variation on this recipe? Add 3-4 tablespoons of coco powder for chocolate buttercreme. 2 tablespoons of espresso powder to that and you have mocha buttercreme. Instead of using all milk you can add some juice from maraschino cherries for a cherry vanilla pink icing. Or do this to the chocolate recipe and you have chocolate cherry cordial icing. You can use another type of extract to achieve another flavor... try orange or almond or even raspberry.

Brownies: Want to make brownies look fancier. Instead of cutting them into squares, cut them into sticks (one long cut down the middle and then slice each rectangle into 10-12 strips). Dust with powdered sugar.

Piping: Piping your icing onto the cupcakes makes a huge impact, although it does take a little more time than just using a knife. I think that it is well worth it though. Don't have a fancy piping kit? Then just cut the corner from a ziplock bag. Warning: as you hold the bag the icing does heat up and melt a bit - which is why having a stiffer icing is ideal. A quick fix for this is just to take a break and put the bag in the freezer for 30 seconds.

Some of My Favorite Combinations:
- Mocha Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercreme
- Red Velvet Cupcakes with Vanilla Buttercreme (for an added patriotic touch put a blueberry on top)
- Funfetti Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercreme
- Triple Chocolate Cupcakes with Chocolate Cherry Cordial Buttercreme (add a maraschino cherry on top for a fun touch)
- Vanilla Cupcakes with a Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Buttercreme

Enjoy!

Love & First Bite: Why Vampires are the Newest Sex Symbol

Lately you are hard pressed to find a girl, teen or woman that has not been bitten by the vampire craze.

If you want a brooding, deep teenager who is an expert at bedroom eyes - Edward Cullen is your guy.


Interested in some brothers action? The new series Vampire Diaries will deliver.

If you like sexy, ancient, bad boys then Lestat (Tom Cruise in Interview with a Vampire) is a good match.



And we can't forget Eric in True Blood - a chiseled, cocky and ancient vampire with a hidden soft side.

But why has this mythical creature reached new heights in popularity with a corresponding rise in female fantasies? What has made the classic equation of human woman + male vampire = love, explode throughout the entertainment and literary industries?

I don't think that it is an accident that women are so drawn to the character of a vampire. Part of it is a "they chose me" attitude. Think: captain of the football team fantasy in high school. These men could have anyone, seduce anyone... but the attraction is them choosing you. Not just as a food source, but as an equal - to love and to cherish.

Also, vampires have an inherent bad boy streak. There is something dangerous and subsequently sexy about a bad boy that has always attracted women. Well, this character brings it to the next level by there actually being an element of risking your life. At any point they can lose control and take things too far.

Vampires are also a little amorphous with their sexuality. After being around for hundreds of years, they pretty much have tried everything. They also have had hundreds of years to perfect their technique in the bedroom. A well trained man in that department is definitely a turn on!

Passion. ALL women want it. We want to be adored - the center of someone's universe. And every woman wants to be looked at with those passionate stares that vamps are known for. You know what I mean, the intense stares that say "I want you", "I NEED you", "You look good enough to eat" all rolled into one.

And it doesn't hurt that they choose actors like Robert Pattinson, Brad Pitt and Alexander Skarsgard playing them. These men are gorgeous anyway, but add a little fang and their sex appeal is skyrocketed to a-whole-nother level!

Finally, there is fantasy about getting bitten (at least in the stories that it doesn't get you killed). It is a very overtly sexual act... the ultimate penetration for a vampire and blood-donor. Many times, feeding is directly linked to a sexual activity, only increasing its draw.

With all this, women are not going to soon abandon their vampire fantasies. Especially when they have the Twilight Series movies, another season of True Blood & Vampire Diaries to look forward to.

Sizism is the new Racism

We have come a long way since the Civil Rights and Feminist Movements... most people are shocked by use of the "N" word, the GLBTQ community is making great strides in the fight for marriage, and women are breaking through the glass ceiling. We have our first African American president and Justice Sotomayor recently received Senate approval.

But racism and sexism aren't the only "isms" that we need to have conversations about.

Sizism is the discrimination against someone based on their weight - and the subject of this rant. (Click the link for an interesting article on this subject from USA TODAY.)

So I went to an Ear, Nose & Throat doctor - I'll call him Dr. X - to get my deviated septum checked out. I had previously visited my general practitioner who informed me that I had broken my nose and he recommended I get it checked out because I had been having certain symptoms.

Well, Dr. X came into the room, after making me wait for 30 min, and immediately said "Well your weight is a risk factor... you are very overweight. The fat isn't good for you." Now at this point I probably should have left but I had already waited so I stayed.

He proceeded to discuss my "weight" for the next 15 minutes (I know shocking that a doctor spent that long with a patient!)... forget the fact that I have broken my nose several times, forget the fact that he said I have a deviated septum and forget the fact that post-nasal drip has NEVER been caused by being fat.

The Dr. told me to consider starting to exercise and watching what I eat. He also told a horrible story about how he makes his daughters weigh in every morning.

Side Note: I work out 3-5 times a week with very hardcore cardio, eat healthier than most people, drink more than the normal 8 cups of water a day, and was the only person I know of that actually lost weight their 1L year. Now, with that being said.... in the brilliant words of Bridget Jones, "I will always be just a little bit fat." I'm curvaceous and have PCOS. I am not delusional about the way that I look, but I also know that I am a very healthy person and in great shape.

For the remainder of the appointment he was patronizing, offensive and pompous. Needless to say, I will not be going back.

Besides wanted to vent about this outrageous experience, it also inspired me to try and force this much needed conversation about sizism. When some people look at an overweight person they have a litany of negative thoughts: "How could she let herself go like that?" "I'll never be that big!" "He should just get on a treadmill and put down the donut!" It is absolutely unfair to link weight issues with laziness and being a slob. Just as people don't wake up each morning and choose to be homosexual... they don't wake up and choose to be fat.

I propose we abolish the "F" word from our everyday language like we have the "N" word, that we don't allow ourselves to make snap judgements based on someone's appearance, and that we don't associate being overweight to being lazy.

Like a Virgin...

Revirginization. The theory that abstaining from sex for a full year - 365 very long days -will make you a virgin again. Obviously a hymen won't grow back, but the movement believes that after a year, participants will be purified to a pre-coitus state. During that year, many choose to focus on work or spritual enlightening instead of the messiness that sex inevitably causes.

Personally... I'm not buying it. After a year of abstaining from sex you are not going to be a purified, spirituately enlightened being - just insanely cranky.

Last night I read the book, Accidental Virgin by Valerie Frankel, which got me thinking about this subject. Stacy, the protagonist, is a hardworking executive at a lingerie website that realizes she is just one week shy of being revirginized. Hilarity ensues as she has many failed attempts to have sex before she reaches the year mark. From allergic reactions to the perils of internet dating & escort services and even a brief consideration of converting to lesbianism, this book is a perfect summer beach read. Don't expect any major revelations or insight - just expect to be amused by a desperate woman who is having the hardest time getting laid.

But back to the premise for the novel. I just can't get on board with this whole revirginization thing. If you aren't having sex for a year it is because either...

1. You just can't get laid (i.e. picking all the wrong men/women);
2. Something bad happened to swear off sex;
3. You have high standards and don't see any reason to compromise;or
4. You just dont want to.

All four involve a choice.

But that choice isn't a ticket to purification. For example, abstaining from sex but still drinking, swearing and lying is not going to get you any enlightenment. In order to find purity, peace and spirituality you have to focus on those things... but as women we have an inate ability to multi-task. I can work on being a more centered person and still get laid.

I think this movement is just designed to make women feel better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) on their choice to not get any. And its just BS. Once your V-Card is gone, you are never going to get it back. Some of us might want to forget that first time, but all you can really do is move on. And I'm sorry, but telling a guy you are a virgin (when it isn't even true!) in your 20s & 30s is 9 times out of 10 just going to freak him out. That has "stage 5 clinger" written all over it.

Seriously... being a virgin was NOT that great. It might of made things a bit simpler but why would you want to go back to that?